i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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