i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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