Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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