porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is Oprah even human
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
