I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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