As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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