There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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