I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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