They should really pass out barf bags in church
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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