I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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