I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
