He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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