just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
