I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
