he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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