at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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