ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
