Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
