So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
