It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
