He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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