I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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