Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
