Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
