so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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