so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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