Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment