you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked