my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night