32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.