We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU