love makes seman taste better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They have beer where we have blood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
