I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
