the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
