And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
