I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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