Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
3 2 1 whiskey
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
