so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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