dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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