did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
