I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
