yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
