i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
