i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
