Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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