dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?