When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.