Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
