i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.