I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...