Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.