i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
