What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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