everyone is single if you try hard enough
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
