ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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