It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
