She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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