He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His hands were made for my vagina.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
