Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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