Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
