that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
