you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
