I skipped work to stalk him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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