You just made me feel so damn special
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
