I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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