Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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