a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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