He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
