whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
