Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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