You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
